idea for story

BURN THIS BOOK
                    It was a warm day as I set off for the walk into town. The town was quiet as a lot of people had gone to the seaside for the holiday. There I was walking down the high street in my sandals, bare knees has I had my shorts on and a t-shirt that had the local cricket team’s logo on. The shops weren’t that busy so I was making good time. Till I came to a side street where I spied a shop that for some reason I hadn’t noticed before. Thinking it was a new shop I headed for it. Then I found out that it was a book shop, but not any old book shop but one that seemed to sell the unusual books. There were some that could belong to Witches, some for those that could say they were of the strange side of life. Then I saw one book its cover was blank apart from a strange form of writing. Its cover looked as though it had been torn from a human and forced to stretch all around the book. The price of the book made me think it was fake, has they were only asking for small amount of money. Pushing the door open I walked in. The musty smell was the first thing that hit me. Books of old age all around I was in what was my heaven some would say their hell. I had heard of some that wouldn’t even pick up a book but wait for the film of the book. Not me I liked the book, yes I had an e-reader but still loved to pick up that book and turn pages. I have seen films of the book too some do the book justice others don’t. I saw lots of books I wish I could afford but where out of my reach. I was about to leave as I couldn’t see anyone to talk about the books when out of the corner of my eye I noticed a tall man in a black suit, which seemed odd in the warm, yet I hadn’t noticed how cool it was in this shop.
“Can I help you sir?” His voice once like that of an actor who played in a horror film, yet he looked pleasant.
“I saw a book in your window that was so low in price I thought it was one that wasn’t real next to these others,” I replied.
“You don’t want that book,” He spoke flatly.
“I can’t afford these ones,” I said.
“You don’t even know what that book will do to you,” He said still in that flat voice.
“How can I know when I don’t even know the language?” I asked.
“True, but that book is not for you,” He said turning.
“What if I paid double the amount you have it priced at?” I asked taking out a crisp new note and rustling it.
“Then sir can have that book and dammed be his soul” He replied disappearing into the window area of the shop.
                      Has I waited I looked at some of the spell books he kept. One was signed by the wizard Merlin. I chuckled to my self this must be a forged signature as everyone knew he never lived.
“How can you be sure of that,” The man had returned and made me jump by speaking.
“Wow you’re quiet,” I said patting my chest.
“Sorry sir,” He spoke still very coldly.
I passed over the note, which he took, passing me the book to which he had attached a sticky note. I looked at what it said Burn this book was all it said. I turned to say good bye to him but he had gone. So I went back out into the warmth of the street. I made my way towards the main shopping area glancing back once only to see the shop was empty that I had entered. Making my way back to the car I had the feeling I was been followed, but when I looked back there was no one there.
                            My trip back home was a strange one. First I had a fly that wouldn’t leave me alone, it kept landing on the window, it was a good job it was raining as I drove it helped clear the window. Pulling up at the house I stepped out to find the rain had stopped and now it was warm. I walked in to kiss my beautiful wife Sarah but as I did she back off.
“Wow that is wired dear, I suddenly feel hot,” Sarah spoke slowly as though she was finding it hard to talk.
“I found this book,” I pulled it out of the bag and Sarah went pale.
“Take it back, please darling,” Sarah backed off even more.
On seeing her do this I blew across the cover and saw her go all goose bumpy.
“I’ll take it back in the morning, its late now and I think we both need something to eat,” I placed the book next to the door  following Sarah into the kitchen.
Seeing the food she had for me made my stomach rumble. Sarah took out the food to serve when the door bell rang.
“Who can that be dear?” Sarah said on hearing it.
“I don’t know I wasn’t expecting anyone, How about you?” I replied.
“No dear I wasn’t,” Sarah put the plate on the table.
I went to the front door to open it. There stood my older brother David.

The Mystery

THE MYSTERY
BY
RICHARD COTTON
                  I opened my eyes slowly as the buzzer on my alarm clock buzzed like that of a small wasp trying to borrow its way into my brain. Looking around I found my self laying down on a rough wooden floor with in a room with two doors to leave by.  I then tried to remember who I was and where I was. But the buzzing sound wouldn’t let me. I sat up slowly and glanced around again to make sure the room hadn’t changed.  But no there still was nothing. It was void of anything that would help me find out where I was. I got up onto my feet unsteadily as the room span as I did so. But it soon settled and my vision returned. I could hear water dripping on the ceiling. I would have to find out what was dripping up there, but for now I had to get out of this room. So I decided to go through the left hand door first. As I moved my feet felt like lead balloons. But I couldn’t worry about that. There was no door out of this room. But it was strangely lit by an eerie green light. Yet there was no windows to let any light in. this room was also empty apart from a large wooden chest in the room. On looking closer I found that this had a coded lock on a large hasp. I checked my pockets to see if there were any pieces of papers with codes on, but there was nothing. So I turned back as here was nowhere to go from this room.
                        Going back through the room I woke up in and out through the right hand door. This third room was to have no furniture, but there was some stairs going up in the far end of the room, and just to my left there was stairs going down. Then I noticed three pipes going up into a room above on the left hand side wall.  I walked over to the pipes to notice a spoon just placed next to them. Kneeling down next to them I saw that the also had small wheels on them. These turned when I tried them, but why they where there I had no idea. So I decided to go down stairs first. The lower rooms had normal light from bulbs that were hidden somewhere from my view.  The stairs led to another room. This one had some things in. There was a grandfather clock stood to the right of the room. It wasn’t working so that was no help in knowing what the time was.  To the left of this there was a large book case. It still had the odd book on its dusty shelves. To the centre of the room there was a table. On its dust filled top there was two clean grey slim tiles. Looking closer I noted they had computer chips and wires on them.  Next to these there was a silver coin. I picked this up first. On one side there was a picture of Queen Elizabeth the second. I turned it over to the face side and found that it had been defaced by someone scratching in three numbers. Then I remembered that the chest had a lock on with three figures on, so this must be the combination to it.
                At first I thought of going and opening the lock, but put it off till I had looked at the other objects in this room first. So I went over to the clock and book shelf. Looking at the books yielded nothing of help to me. Some of the books even fell apart when touched. So I went to the clock next. This was old with lots of dust on the outside casing. The clock it self had stopped working at ten past two. I saw that I could open the bottom door of the casing. Inside I saw the pendulum with all its fixings. Then I spotted an envelope. It stood out has it wasn’t dusty like the rest of the clock. It had been placed in the far corner too, which meant it should have been dusty. I picked the envelope up. I opened the leaf and unfolded the paper with in. It was a latter. It had been typed with a modern computer. So I started to read it.
     ‘Dear Mike
                            I’m sorry to do this to you, but if you are reading this letter it means you are now been held at a location somewhere that I can’t get you back from. The only information I can give you is that the first wheel needs to be left alone. The middle wheel needs to be turned to the left twice, and the right wheel needs to be turned once right.
        Yours Stephen’
             So Mike must be my first name then. But how did this Stephen know I was going to find his letter and when did he put it into the clock. With these two things puzzling me I decided I couldn’t find answers just standing here. I turned and went back up the stairs. I walked over to the pipes. Bending down I took out the letter to cross check what I had to do. Then having finished with the wheels as the letter said I noticed that the water had stopped dripping. Turning around I soon noticed that there was now a round metal disc on the left wall in the room I had woke up in. The disk had four slots in. These where round like the disc I had found. I placed the two I had found in two of the slots. Then I decided to go and open the chest next.
               I went back to the chest. Knelt down to get a closer look at the lock. Then I took the coin out and read the four numbers that had been scratched into its surface. Then I turned the tumblers to match the same numbers in order. The lock snapped open and fell to the floor with a thud. It took me some effort to prise the lid open has the hinges were stiff. I looked to the inside of the chest. There were some dusty clothes piled into the chest. Some even had cobwebs on them. There was a musty smell to all of it. I decided to take them out as it seemed odd that the chest was locked for some dusty old clothes.  At the bottom I found a long thin white fuse and a diary. The diary had been wrapped very carefully in a sealed plastic bag and looked out of place in this chest. Then I saw a label on the front of the diary.
‘To Mike’
It was meant for me then. But again this was a new item placed under old ones.  So I glanced at the red embossed cover of the diary. There I saw the year imprinted in gold glitter. 2065, but if that was the year how come the clothes looked older than that. I stood up and left the room. The last place to go was up stairs. These creaked has I went upwards. This made me feel very nervous and I thought at least two times that I wouldn’t reach the top in one piece. Yet I did. On the landing I saw there were two rooms up here. One was the bathroom and the other was the bed room. Well I thought it was the bed room. There was no bed and again no window. Over on the far right wall there was a fuse box with on space empty in which would fit the fuse I had picked up. Then there was another grandfather clock. I went straight to that and opened the door. Inside was the third tile. I t was clean and free of dust. I was getting used to this now. Taking the tile I then went to the fuse box. I placed the fuse into the empty slot. Then flicked the switch. I soon noticed a low hum now filled the whole place. It wasn’t too bad, but just enough to be noticed.  Having nothing else in the room I went over to the bath room to see what there was there. The toilet and bath was white in colour. But the bath looked old, whilst the toilet looked very new. Then I saw the green sink this was out of place with the bath and toilet. Under the sink there was a two door cupboard.  To the right of this there was a bath room cabinet, its mirror cracked but not so much that couldn’t still see my face. Looking back at me was a place faced man. I had dark brown eyes that were deep set. My curly light brown hair looked well kept even though I had been here for sometime. I turned the cold tap. A small thin stream of clear water trickled out into the sink. I splashed what I could on to my face to make me feel refreshed.  After this I knelt down to the cabinet under the sink. Inside I found a rusty small brass key and a ripped note.
‘Mike I love you…’
Yes that was all there was as the rest had been torn off. Leaving me no idea what the rest said. It had been written by hand. Did it mean I had a lover, and what was her name? If it was a woman. I bent up again and turned to the bath cabinet. I slid open the door. Inside hid behind the pill bottles there was a small metal door where the brass key would fit. I put the key in and opened the door with ease. Inside I found the last grey tile and a flat thin book. I took both of them out of the nook. I had a quick glance at the title of the book.
‘Travel in time and space’ By Mike Saunders. Somehow I felt that this must be my full name. So why would I write a book and not remember that I had done so. I left the bath room and headed back down the stairs ending back in the room where I woke up.  I reached up to the metal plate and placed the four tiles into the four slots each fitted with a special notch so that they would only fit in one order. Once I had placed the last one the hum of the room changed. It reached a peek where it was starting to hurt my ears. Then there was bright flash of light. This blinded me for a few seconds. But soon my sight returned. I soon noticed that the tiles had disappeared to be replaced by two grey metal doors. I noticed they were ornately decorated with brass figures of birds and trees. Next to the doors there was one button. I walked over to the doors and pressed the button. The door slid open with a hiss. I saw that behind the door there was a square metal room its walls had dints in all around the four of them. The white ceiling light buzzed slightly. I stepped into the room. Turning around I noted there was three buttons on three inside of the room. I looked closely at them to see if they could give me any indication what button did what. So taking my life in my own hands I pressed the very top button.  The doors snapped shut too quickly for me to do anything to get out of this room. I waited a few seconds but nothing else happened. So I pressed the bottom one. The doors hissed open. Outside was still the same. The room I awoke in. this left the middle button. Pressing the top one made the doors shut again. I slowly reached out to the middle one sweat dripping down my forehead. Thoughts of an explosion went through my head think that this last button would finish me off for good. Could I risk it, but I had to know what would happen with that last button. Finally I pressed it and waited for the end to come. It seemed like a life time before the metal room trembled. I felt it rising slowly upwards. I let my breath go now that there was no explosion. I didn’t know where I was going but at least it was better than been trapped in the lower rooms. The metal room slowed to a stand still and all was quiet again. I pressed the bottom button. Outside I saw that now I was stopped at a short metal corridor that led to a single wooden door. I hoped that this door was unlocked as I hadn’t found any other keys around. My calf high black leather boots echoed as I walked down the corridor. I hoped that this led to the outside and it was warm out there as all I had on was my white Arran knitted jumper, brown cotton short sleeved shirt, Denim jeans and short cotton brow ankle socks with those leather boots.  I had reached the door and it was too late to turn back now. I reached out to the knob and stopped my self. I looked around the door to see if there were any traps there to stop me opening this door, but couldn’t see anything.  All seemed fine, but I still felt nervous as I placed my hand on that knob.  I twisted it and the door swung outwards. I stepped through the open door with great caution. I felt the warm sun shine down and a light breeze blowing across the doorway bringing with it a smell of pine trees. I went to move towards the blue sea I could see ahead when something sharp hit me from behind and my world blacked out. I awoke slowly to the sound of whale song echoing off the far walls around me. Now what was happening?

The Wolverine

The Wolverine
By
Richard Cotton
                            It was as I visited the tubby Factor at James Bay in Northern Ontario Canada that John Mactavish showed me some traps that the hunters used to trap Beavers that a Cree trapper rushed into the post. John looked at him with his brown eyes and knew something was wrong. This been the height of trapping season and all. John also knew that Little Elk was far from his normal hunting grounds. Has he lived well up to the North in his log cabin, which was sixty miles north of the post? Little Elk spoke in broken English. He told us that his first few months of hunting had gone well catching Martin, Ermine and Fox pelts a plenty, but the as the weeks passed this began to trail off when a rouge Wolverine had moved in on his hunting territory. It was on one morning that Little Elk got fed up has he found his trap line ruined yet again. He decided there and then to rid himself of the pesky beast.
                    Deciding that a more modern steel trap was too simple for his wily enemy. He went with his hunting wolf-husky. The first thing he did was build a line of deadfalls in the hope this would stop it. The swift death type of log trap used by generations of his forebears. Has he did this he crossed fresh tracks of his new foe. On one set of the tracks he noticed a growl coming from his trusty dog. A sure sign that the Wolverine was not far away. Little Elk pulled out the rifle he carried in the holder on his back and let lose his dog. The large beast bounded off through the grass into the bushes. Little Elk kept an eye on the bushes to judge a point where the Wolverine would come out. But it stayed in them making sure that he couldn’t get to it. So little Elk forced himself through them. He came out in a clearing where he saw the Wolverine and his dog in a fight.
                 By now it had the dog on its back and its jaws around its throat so that little Elk was unable to shoot for fear of hitting his own dog. So he reversed the rifle and was going to club it with the butt. He only manage to get a swipe in and that only brushed the left hand side gently as the beast let go of the dog and vanished into the bush. Little did try to get a shot in, but by the time he had lined up a shot the beast had managed to get back into the thick bushes.  After it had gone little Elk bent down to check on his dog, but it had died from a severed jugular.
               More embittered than ever little Elk set out building a heavy trap, but by late afternoon a rain storm had set in. Little Elk made camp for the night keeping warm by the fire he had made from what dry wood he had found and setting it alight with the tinder box he carried.  Little Elk hung his leather bag up on a high branch to stop any wondering animal from getting what was inside. He curled up to the fire and drifted off to a light sleep. But in the morning he awoke to find his bag had been shredded by the Wolverine somehow. Now he was low on food. He decided to hide the equipment he needed to make the traps to go for some food. He had only gone an hour, but on his return he found that his blanket had now been shredded and his tinder box had vanished. To round it off the precious rifle had also been dragged away.
                      Forcing back the little panic he now felt he decided to return to his humble hut. The sun was setting when he reached the small wooden building, but even in the dim light he could see that he door had been broken open. The Wolverine had methodically destroyed his entire catch of pelts, eaten what it could of his food and defecated on anything it couldn’t eat.
                       Has Little Elk finished off his story John the Factor decided to give this poor man some credit for blankets, traps and a rifle. He also gave him food, and then watched as the Cree went off to battle with the Wolverine. Once he had gone I remarked that never before had I heard a fantastic yarn in all my years.  John walked to the bookshelf in the store and lifted off the second shelf a small booklet prepared by the Hudson Bay Company for professional trappers. John brought it over to where he stood. He opened it to one page that he wanted to show me and pointed to the relevant passage: ‘When the Wolverine appears on the trappers patch the trapper has two alternatives. He must either trap the Wolverine, or give up trapping’
“You see Tom it might have been a fantastic story aye” John admitted, “Yet I’ve know many a man who have suffered the same fate as no other creature in the north equals that of the Wolverine”

The Kidnappers

THE KIDNAPPERS
BY
RICHARD COTTON
                                 White light shone down on the table from above, whilst hunched over his experiment Professor John Jones large body just filling the small chair the heat made sweat drip down has he concentrated so hard that John barely heard the lone hover car outside of the building. It’s was night now, most of the others were at home glancing down at the digital watch on his right arm John thought he had better go now. Stand up slowly John walked to the hat stand, removing the white lab coat John hooked it on to the stand, then picked up the blue light-weight jacket. Glancing back to the table one last time John shrugged, turned to leave the room, closing the door slowly John nearly bumped into the short dumpy security guard walking past him.
“Evening John,” The guard said brightly.
“Night,” John mumbled.
The guard was in the wrong area John could do with out him at all, reaching into his left upper pocket to take out a cigarette from the packet the sat in there, it wasn’t his normal brand, but it was all he could get at the shop. After lighting the cigarette John made his way to the door that lead out on to the street. The lights buzzed in the low fog that surrounded the building it was going to be a cool night John thought to himself. Stepping off the last step a silver hover car sped along the road, it rushed around the bend to hover up onto the pavement in front of him. The door hissed open. A hand reached out grabbing him from the pavement where he stood. The door slid shout and the car hovered off leaving just the cigarette butt burning on the floor.
                               **************************************
        Daylight lit the scene at the offices. The short guard stood outside looking down at the cigarette butt that sat there. He held a slim mobile phone to his left ear.
“Yes officer the professor disappeared last night. Yes it was all caught on the CTTV cameras,” He spoke to the policeman on the other end.
“When did all this happen, sir,” A crisp voice echoed around the walls.
“Last night officer,” He repeated.
“Why didn’t you tell us then?” The officer asked.
“We didn’t find out till this morning sir,” He replied.
“I’ll have someone out there right away,” The officer said.
                       **********************************************
           My day had started out badly and looked as if it was going to continue that way. Looking at the glass door to my office I saw the name Colin Lamb Investigator of missing persons; was that really me, I didn’t feel like it at the moment. My head thumped with a massive hang over from last night, why had I agreed to go to that stag do I’ll never know. I used the glass of the door to try and comb my hair down, but it insisted on staying untidy; it was a good job it was still short from my army days. Walking over to my office chair I slumped down into it forcing it to sink slightly. Taking out a tumbler from my desk draw I poured myself a hair of the dog. The noisy door swung open, I glanced up to see who had entered There stood my partner, Clive Thomas all six foot of him, his black suit clean and tidy, the hanky sticking out of his left pocket , his black shoes polished to with in an inch of their soles, black hair comb left to right with a neat parting.
“So what’s happing today, shorty?” Clive spoke in his posh voice looking down on me.
“Nothing right at this moment long-shanks,” I said.
“Looks like you had one to many last night?” Clive saw my pain.
“I’ll recover,” I said rubbing my head.
The door opened again letting two well built men walk into the office, both were wearing uniforms of the local police.
“Is Mr Lamb here?” I saw the tall one speak his name tag said Jim Smith.
“He might be. Who’s looking for him?” I replied.
“I’m Officer Smith from the local county police,” Jim spoke again leaving his partner to look on.
“I’m the man you’re looking for,” I replied looking at Jim.
“Good, we need your firm to help find a missing person,” Jim said earnestly.
“Why can’t you find him?” Clive asked.
“We need someone outside of the police, as we believe there’s someone on the inside trying to pay off witnesses,” Jim replied.
“What make’s this person so important that they’ve to be found?” I asked.
“He is a top scientist that has information that would make things bad in the world if it got out,” Jim replied.
Clive and I looked to the policeman that was speaking.
“That’s why we need an independent person to do the search,” Jim said.
“Where did this person go missing?” I asked.
“They took him from outside his offices in Cardiff, Wales,” He replied giving me a card.
“What was he researching?” Clive asked.
“All we can tell you is that it involved a gas that could act like a fog,” Jim shrugged not knowing if this was right.
“We have to find this person, is it a man or woman?” I asked.
“It’s a man. When you find him we don’t want him to fall into the wrong hands again, or you’ll go to prison,” Jim said.
“Are you going to pay us for this?” I asked.
“Pay! You might get some money from where he works from but that’s all,” Jim replied.
“You got a name we can have so we know who we are looking for?” Clive asked.
“Professor John Jones. He is 45 years old, has an ex with children, but lives on his own at the moment,” Jim replied.
“Thanks,” I said.
With that the two policemen left with out saying anything more. I picked the tumbler up tipping what was left.  “Clive you go to Cardiff to find out as much as you can about this John. I’ll stay here in London to do some research,”
“You won’t do anything stupid whilst I’m away?” Clive asked.
“No. You go on,” I replied.
          Clive left soon after the policemen had been leaving me in the office alone. I decided to go to the nearest public computer to find out as much as I could. Only to see that the papers, news screens and computer sites were running the story already.  I went to the nearest library to find an address for the scientist and what collage he went to, but every time I tried to access the information I got locked out. So I gave up when the local pubs opened and decided to go for a drink. That might help me think better.
              ***************************************************************
           Two weeks later I sat in my offices papers strewn across the top still waiting to hear from Clive in Cardiff. I had a slight head ache from trying to find out the lead. I was about to give up when the phone rang. “Colin Lamb speaking how may I help you?”
“I’ve located the car used in the kidnapping,” I heard Clive say on the other end.
“Clive that’s good news. Where is it?” I asked.
“Police found it dumped in verge two miles from Cardiff train station,” Clive replied.
“Great, can we get a look at it?” I asked.
“They insisted we look first before they start to process it,” Clive replied.
“I’m on the first train from London to Cardiff. I’ll reach you sometime this evening. Be at the station to meet me,” I said.
“Sure. See you later,” Clive replied.
 Replacing the receiver I picked up the hip flask that sat on top of my desk, which was engraved with my name and my ex-wife’s. I kept it has a reminder of better times.                    
                         Staggering out of the office in to the early evening air outside, I saw people giving me odd looks. It wasn’t anything I was wearing as I had my t-shirt that pronounced that I love beer and needed the nearest bar. My jeans were faded but there and done up. On my feet I had my trainers and socks. On my head I wore a hat that I had from my time in the army. None of this could be drawing their attention. So I shrugged and carried onto the taxi rank.
              Finding a black cab sat there I asked the driver to take me to the train station. Has I sat there I kept thinking of the easier jobs I used to do first. Like finding missing wives, husbands, children, there was also the odd pet or two. But a top scientist that was in a different league. I might get killed by some foreign party just as I found him. I quickly shoved this thought to the back of my mind has I entered the station to go aboard the train. The night had been warm, but it looked like there was some fog forming. It wouldn’t be bad if it was going to be there for a short time, but it looked like it was going to hang around for the whole morning.
                           The hover train slid to a halt at Cardiff station later that evening  leaving the train I found the platform to be very empty for that time of night, looking down to my digital watch I saw that it was only seven o’clock. I walked to the ticket box placing my ticket in front of the bored looking man who sat on the other side, he glanced from the paper he was reading, nodded then went back to reading. It was then that I noticed the headlines. The lead story was about the president of America coming to England for a visit. That intrigued me. But not enough to keep me there. I walked out of the station. I heard the train leaving as I stepped out side to the street. It was quiet there. No one seemed to be around.
           Looking at my watch again I saw that ten minuets had passed, and Clive hadn’t shown up. So deciding the walk would do me good. I started along the street slowly taking in some of the sights as I went along. Hearing footsteps behind me I glanced back to notice that someone was following me. Damn it I had forgotten to study a map of Cardiff town, and then at least I would’ve been able to loose them quicker. I stopped to see if I could still see the figure, but the fog was getting thicker, I might’ve even imagined this person following me. I was about to start walking again when a hover car pulled up along side me. Looking inside I saw that it was Clive driving. I opened the door and got in.
“About time to,” I said.
“Sorry, I had a phone call asking us to head for the police station,” Clive said.
“What for Clive?” I asked.
“They’ve some information on Professor Jones,” Clive replied.
 Looking out the car window I turned to Clive “It looks like this fog is going to last a week,”
“Don’t you think that it’s strange this fog has started here in Cardiff and the missing scientist is researching fog,” Clive said.
“I don’t think he would start here Clive,” I replied.
The car fell into silent all I could hear was the hum of the motor and the computer buzzing. Outside I could just see shop lights through the fog.
“We’ll reach the police station soon I think you had better tidy your self up,” Clive spoke for the first time in ages.
I glanced to Clive, and then back outside the fog seemed to be doing the conga dance in front of my eyes. Soon we reached the station where Clive parked the car up, and then we headed for the small reception office. The door hissed open. A tall slim police sergeant sat behind the desk. He looked up from the book he was reading.
“How can I help you two gentlemen?”  He spoke with a slight Welsh accent
“We were asked to report to Inspector Watkins,” Clive spoke first leaving me to look at the walls.
“What is it about sir?” John asked (I saw his name on the desk)
“Just tell inspector Watkins that Mister Lamb is here to see him,” I said.
The sergeant looked us over as he picked up the desk phone. I saw him speak to someone on the other end.
“You can go in,” John said after awhile.
 After he had pressed a button the side door opened. We walked in to the corridor just to the left of the reception room. On the other side there was another policeman who showed us to the Inspectors room.  There we found Inspector Watkins. He stood up and shook our hands firmly. “Hello Mr Lamb and Mr Thomas. Please sit down,”
Clive and I sat on the two swivel chairs that sat on the other side of the inspector’s desk.
“Why’ve you asked us to come here?” Clive asked
“We’ve reasons to believe the kidnappers of the Professor might’ve someone that is after you two as well,” Inspector Watkins replied.
“I thought I saw someone following me,” I said out loud.
“You could be right Mr Lamb,” Inspector Watkins said.
“Do you’ve any more information on Professor Jones for us?” Clive asked.
“I still don’t trust you enough to let you have any more than you already have,” Inspector Watkins replied.
“How can you not trust us?” I asked.
“There’s still a missing person that you need to find before I can trust you fully,” Inspector Watkins replied. The inspector looked at me with his steel gray eyes and made me shiver.
“How can we find out anything on him with so little?” Clive asked.
“Maybe you’ll find something on him, but make sure you keep us informed if you do,” Inspector Watkins said.
“Do you’ve any ideas where we could start?” I asked.
“Go back to the laboratory, yes I know you’ve been there already Clive,” Inspector Watkins said.
I looked to Clive. He shrugged his shoulders.
“So we go back there,” Clive said.
I stood shaking the inspectors hand as I did so. “Thanks for what you could do for us. We will be back when we find something,”
“Good. I will be here,” Inspector Watkins said.
 As we headed back to the hover car I saw the fog had turned really thick by now. “It’s a good job this car has got radar Colin,”
“Yes the fog is going to be a nuisance later on,” Clive replied distracted by something.
“What are you thinking about Colin?” I asked.
“Err, What? Oh! Nothing important Clive,” Colin replied.
                            *************************************************
                  Soon Clive pulled up outside the laboratory, it was a tall square glass building set in the middle of two others that where exactly the same. The only way you could tell the difference was with the name on the board. I went in first with Clive following, glancing around I soon found the security guard with his peek hat that hid his balding head.
“I’m Frank Smith, how can I help you two?” Frank asked
“I’m Clive Lamb and this is Colin Thomas we’re here to investigate the disappearance of Professor Jones,”
“Have you any Id please?” Frank asked.
I reached into my jacket pocket slowly. “Yes here is my wallet,”
 Frank took the leather wallet opened it so that he could see the plastic card within.
“Ok you may come in,” Frank said.
“Frank was you on duty the night Professor Jones was kidnapped?” Clive asked.
“Yes I was,” Frank replied.
“Did you see anything of what happened?” I asked.
“Not the kidnapping but I did see him leave his office. After that I had to take the lift up to the roof when the actual kidnapping must’ve happened,” Frank replied.
“Did the Professor seem different that night?” I asked.
“I didn’t see him long enough to say,” Frank replied.
“Can we see his office, if at all possible?” Clive asked.
“Follow me, don’t touch anything,” Frank said setting off.
 Frank led us from the doors to a short flight of steps upwards. At the top we took a short corridor to Professor Jones’s office. Frank went in first followed by Clive and me.
“Do you think we can have a look around on our own?” I asked.
“I’ll just be outside the door,” Frank said.
After he had stepped outside I glanced around. “Do you think Frank is involved?”
“No, I don’t think he would turn up for work if he was,” Clive replied.
The office seemed eerie but for the light it could’ve been a normal office down town. I saw that the professor had crammed a lot of things into such a small space.
“There’s some open files over here,” Clive said.
“Ok you look at them,” I went to the other side of the room.
Reaching the desk the professor used to write his findings on I noticed the top was covered with loose white sheets covered in doodles, next to them equations that he must have been working on at the time, then I spotted the newspaper. It had the headlines about the proposed trip of the American president Sarah James. The date of her trip and the fact she was coming to Wales all had been ringed for some reason. There was also a set of keys and a pipe next to the paper, when I saw a photo of the Professor. His young face and clear bright eyes looked as if it was to good a job for him. He could have been a film star with them looks.
“Have you found any reason the Professor should be kidnapped Colin?” Clive asked.
“Not yet, the only clues I’ve found out is this strange gas he was trying out. It looks like some sort of sleeping gas,” I replied.
Clive walked over to where I stood. “It doesn’t look like he had got it right yet,”
Glancing around the room I was puzzled by what Clive had just said. He was right the Professor hadn’t finished by a long shot.
“So why was he kidnapped Clive?” I asked.
“I don’t know Colin. There’s something wrong with this case,” Clive replied.
“There seems to be something missing from this case that’s very important to solving it,” I said scratching my chin.
“What do you think it could be Colin?” Clive asked.
“I don’t know, something doesn’t tie in,” I replied.
“There’s more loose ends than I care to think about Colin,” Clive said.
“I need a drink,” I said rubbing my head.
“Oh no you don’t. You need a clear head,” Clive said.
“Look! Don’t tell me what I need,” I snapped.
I turned to leave the office, and then I saw the map of Cardiff pined to chipboard on the wall. It was then I noticed a route marked out in red from the train station to the town hall.
“I thought you were going for a drink?” Clive snapped.
“I’ve changed my mind Clive,” I replied.
“What are you looking at?” Clive asked.
“Do you see this route marked out on this map,” I replied pointing out the map.
“So what about it?” Clive asked.
“What surprises me is that the Professor knows about it,” I replied.
“That would make him a target then, hang on though, how would he know the route and why?” Clive asked.
I stood there for a second thinking on what Clive had said.
“You’re right Professor Jones shouldn’t know about it. There’s nothing in the paper is there?” I replied.
“No this paper only shows the date and what she might be doing,” Clive replied.
“So where did he get this route from?” I asked.
Clive looked at me with a shocked expression. “That means there is an informant somewhere,”
“Yes it does.  I don’t think inspector Watkins even know about this,” I said.
Looking closer to the map I ran my finger along the route “This takes the president close to the castle then back towards the county hall,”
“That could mean someone could be waiting,” Clive said.
“Yes but what for?” I asked.
“They plan to kidnap the president,” Clive replied.
“Or?” I asked.
“Assassinate her,” Clive replied.
The office fell silent for a second or two has we stood there. I went out of the office where Frank led us back to the front door.
“Where next Colin?” Clive asked.
“We’ll have to go back to the police station,” I replied.
“Why there?” Colin asked.
“So we can find out who could be involved in choosing this route apart from the inspector,” I replied.
“You don’t think he’s involved?” Colin asked.
“It’s hard to tell any one could be involved,” I replied standing for a second outside glancing around.
“Come on Colin don’t just stand there,” Clive said.
“Don’t you think it’s odd?” I asked.
“What?” Clive replied looking at me from within the car.
“All this fog. Its sudden appearance just here tonight,” I replied.
“Colin fog is fog it come’s at any time,” Clive replied.
“Still very odd,” I said getting into the car.
“You don’t think the Professor is trying to use the sleeping gas?” Clive asked as he drove off.
“If he is I don’t feel sleepy,” I replied.
Clive headed for inner Cardiff police station.
“But if he was that mean he kidnapped himself,” Colin said.
                    ************************************************************
                As Clive drove deeper into Cardiff I noticed hover cars left in the streets haphazardly, at first Clive found it was easy to get through as there were few cars, but the nearer we got to the town the harder it was to drive, soon Clive  had to pull up due to the weight of cars.
“It looks like we have to walk Clive” Colin said.
“But what if it’s the sleeping gas?” I asked.
“To get anywhere we have to take that risk, anyway if it’s sleeping gas we would be asleep by now,” Clive replied.
Clive slowly opened his door, the fog drifted in. I sat there but felt nothing happening so I got out.
“How are we going to find the police station in this Colin?” Clive asked.
“Use the hand held navigator,” I replied.
Clive opened the boot of car and took out a small hand held computer. “It’s got the address programmed in now,”
“Good lets go,” I said.
Following Clive closely to make sure I could also see the small screen as we walked past the centre it seemed like a ghost town more than a thriving shopping area. Walking for sometime it seemed to me that we were getting no where; soon though the little dot on the screen told us we had reached the police station.
             On getting closer I noticed that the sliding door stood Open for some reason. I walked into the reception area. The sight that greeted me was one of chaos. Papers where strewn all over the floor. Behind the desk I saw the desk sergeant lay face down on the floor. He seemed to be asleep which seemed odd.
“Do you think this has something to do with the president’s trip?” Clive asked.
“Yes I do. But why are we not asleep,” I replied looking around to see if there was any clues but all there seemed to be was a mess. “What day is this visit Clive?”
“It’s Monday,” Clive replied.
“That’s today,” I said.
“What do we do?” Clive asked.
“What time is the president due?” I replied.
“I think she is due about two o’clock this afternoon,” Clive replied
“We’ve time to plan lets find a computer,” I replied.
Walking to the nearest room I noticed that it was six in the morning so I had to do some quick research. I sat there looking at the blank screen, pressed the switch to turn the computer on, then I felt my eyes get heavy. The next thing I knew the computer was on and the time was flashing one o’clock in the afternoon.
“So where do we go from here Colin?” Clive asked sleepily.
“Let’s start close to the police station,” I replied.
I stood up my feet felt like lead. We went outside.
Clive turned and asked “What will we use for transport Colin?”
“We’ll have to take a police car for now,” I replied.
“Won’t we get in to trouble?” Clive asked.
“We need away to get around,” I said finding one police hover car that was open and still had the keys in the starter. “This will do,”
Clive got into the drivers seat and started the car up. I switched the radar to see through the fog. Clive turned the powerful lights.
“Go west first towards the train station,” I said.
“Ok Colin,” Clive said.
Clive had only been driving for twenty minuets when I noticed something following us.
“Clive pull over for a second,” I said.
“What for Colin?” Clive asked.
“I think we’ve something following us,” I replied.
Clive pulled into the kerb. I watched as the blip to the rear did the same.
“Do you think it’s the kidnapper?” Clive asked.
“I don’t know, it’s hard to tell,” I replied.
“If it is, what do you think they want?” Clive asked.
“Us dead,” I replied.
“What now?”  Clive asked.
I looked back to see that the driver’s door had opened, a lone figure got out to head for some doors of a hotel we had parked next to.
“I’m going to see what is happening,” I said opening my door.
“Don’t be a fool Colin,” Clive said.
“I have to see who this is. You come in if I’m not back within twenty minuets,” I said.
I steeped out heading for the hotel. Just as I reached the doors a large figure came at me going full pelt grabbed my around the waist in a bear hug. I felt my breath been taken away slightly but had enough training to keep myself fully aware. With my free right hand I smashed my fist into the jaw of the masked person. They let go of me, staggered back but steady on their feet. The person’s fist hit my stomach. I reeled backwards puffing slightly. As I recovered I saw the figure enter the hotel. I followed slowly into the lobby. There was no sight of anyone around. My nerves tingled as I stepped farther in. The silence unsettled me, but I knew I had to do this. Glancing around, I saw some stairs heading upwards from the reception desk. To the right of the desk lay the lifts. None of them had been used. To the left a door lead into a bar room. I decided that I should take the stairs up to find him. My foot falls echoed around the large area as I walked.
                         Slowly making my way up the stairs I failed to see the light beam, which fired a gun. Everything happened in slow motion. I saw the tip of the bullet fly past me; hit my left shoulder just at the large knuckle bone, the force knocking me into the back wall spattering it with blood.  Pain shoot though my body, tears ran down my eyes. I feel to my knees. Looking down I saw the red splodge oozing out around my white shirt. At some point I would have to get seen to, and then I saw Clive enter the hotel lobby as I knelt there.  He gave me a quick glance. I signalled that I would be ok. Then I pointed up the stairs. I stood shakily to make my way more slowly up stairs again but this time I made sure it was clear by holding my gun at arms length to make sure there was no more beams to trip. Reaching the last few stairs I squatted down looking slowly over the top stair into the corridor ahead. I caught a glimpse of a figure slowly moving away from the stairs. I raised my gun, fired. The figure stumble but kept on moving   forcing its way into the nearest room. By this time Clive had reached the stair I was on. We made our way slowly to the room. Glancing around the open door I saw no one there so pushing the door fully open we went in slowly glancing around to keep everything in sight. The room was dull but my eyes soon adjusted to this, then I noticed the computers and papers that filled the room.
“I think we’ve found the kidnappers base,” Clive whispered.
The bed had been pushed right next to the wall so that a table with two chairs could face a computer. Looking at it I saw there was data running down the screen as the computer kept something working.
“Colin, I found the person we were following,” I said seeing a prone body close to the window.
It looked like they had rushed in, tripped over the loose edge of carpet catching the edge of the table with their head. Turning the person over I didn’t recognize him but this man might have been just helping.
“Someone knows how to run all this equipment,” I said.
“What part of Cardiffwould they pick the president up from?” Clive asked.
“Close to the castle,” I replied.
“That’s what I thought too,” Clive said.
“What time is it?” I asked noticing my watch had stopped.
“Its quarter to two,” Clive replied.
“I don’t think we’ll make the train station in time,” I said.
“What about this house close to the castle,” Clive asked.
“That looks good lets go and see,” I said.
Walking out of the hotel we went back to the police car. Clive drove slowly up the road to where the house.
“How will know if it’s the right one?” Clive asked.
“It could be the only one with more fog around it I suppose,” I replied.
“There is a house with all its lights on,” Clive slowed to point to one house.
“Great pull over,” I said hoping it was the place we needed.
Clive pulled to the kerb. The house had a large hedge growing around it, which made it easier for us to approach with out been seen, moving to where the gate was. Looking around the small twigs I saw a house standing in a well kept garden, light filled each room and there was a humming sound.
“Do you see anything Clive?” I asked.
“I can just make out what looks like four people in the front room,” Clive replied.
“Can we get around the back?” I asked.
“Let’s try,” Clive said.
 Silently I pushed the gate open, and then moved across the lawn. No one seemed to be looking out, this seemed too easy. Clive soon joined me.
“You have your gun ready Clive?” I whispered.
“Yes I have,” Clive replied.
 Reaching the rear door I looked in to see it opened onto the kitchen. There I saw a person sat to a table.
“What now?” Clive asked quietly.
“We go in,” I replied.
Testing the door knob carefully I found the door was locked. I looked in but no one had heard me. I indicated to Clive to force the door open. He stood up, kicked it hard with his right leg. The door burst inwards hanging off its hinges.  Clive rushed the four persons has they ran from the front room. Seeing him they dropped their weapons. I made my way to the person at the table on turning I saw that it was Professor Jones.
“So it was you all along,” I spoke first.
“Yes, I take it you want me to explain my self,” Professor Jones spoke in a light voice.
“Only if you want to. As you will have to tell the police when they come,” I said.
“Right,” Professor Jones stood, making his way to the fridge.
“It’s really simple really I was going to kidnap the president, then force all the governments into giving up their arms and gases. I wanted the world to be free of weapons,” Professor Jones spoke slowly sipping beer. “Then I thought why stop there. I would also ask for money in exchange for the president’s life. If no one paid I would kill her. What now?”
“You will be arrested. Most likely serve life behind bars for what you tried to do,” I said.
“I suppose that is right but if I behaved I might get out early,” Professor Jones said.
“What would you do when you got out?” Clive asked.
 Closing his eyes He looked like he was thinking. “Let me read you right. You want me to try to escape shooting me as I do so,”
I nodded my head.
Looking down at the carpet His eyes were dull and empty. “I would have no life in prison. Plus I think the government would want to talk to me a lot,”
“Yes,” I said.
“This would be a way out from all that?” Professor Jones asked.
“I think it would be the only way for you,” I said.
 Finishing the can off Professor Jones looked me in the eyes, crushed the can, and then threw at me. I ducked out of the way has he pushed the table on his way to the back door. I levelled my gun and fired.
Clive dashed into the room. “What happened?”
“He tried to escape,” I replied.
Clive looked down to the prone figure. “Come on Colin you need to be seen to,”
“What about the gas?” I asked.
“Finding the machine that made it out side I turned it off. So I think the gas will go now. The scientist from the M.O.D can have fun with it,” Clive replied.
“I need a drink. Let’s find a bar that might’ve some,” I said.
We left by the front door, outside things had started to improve. The sun was shining. For the first time I could do with a drink and still feel good.

Blank Page

BLANK PAGE
By
Richard Cotton
                    “Pst hay you wake up,”
“What who’s talking,”
“I am down here the blank page,”
“Yes so what do you want me for?”
“You’re going to write a story,”
“I am. Where would I start I don’t even know what to do,”
“It’s said you should write what you know about most,”
“I know a lot about war and fighting,”
“Then let’s start there. First we have to do research,”
“I know a lot on the weapons, tanks and people. The units and who took part,”
“You need a place and setting. You need to go to the library,”
“Oh no not the library,”
“Yes off you go,”
“But there is all those people there and that means I might have to say hello to one of them,”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“I might get a cold,”
“But you need a place to set the fight,”
“Couldn’t I just do the bulge or D. Day beaches,”
“But they have been done we need something new,”
“Isn’t there anything else I can write about?”
“Look you can write about anything from Sci-fi to Romance,”
“War seems very hard. Look I am going for a pint,”
“Don’t drink it will make you write all wrong,”
“Look I don’t want to write,”
“Yes you do just think of the spacecraft landing on a strange planet, or they young lady falling for the prince and then turning into a frog,”
“Look I am going out,”
“No don’t please I am a blank page and need something wrote on me,”
“How about I write my shopping list on you?”
“No you want more than that you’re blood is that of a writer I can tell,”
“I need something to help me start,”
“Once upon a time does that help,”
“I’m not writing a fairy story,”
“This can be for anything just put pen to paper,”
“No I am going for a drink,”
“There was blood on the carpet which dripped from the stairs. The body lay there her mouth open as if she had screamed before the knife went in to her,”
“You’re better at this than me blank page,” There was a pause “But if you let me write what I want to write can I go out for a pint,”
“Once started you wont want that pint,”

Pounderlad

PUNDERLAND
BY
RICHARD COTTON
                       Hearing the high pitch buzz of my alarm clock I felt the top of my head where it thumped as though someone was hitting me with a large hammer. I soon regretted having that beer over the weekend.  Sitting up on my left elbow I glanced out through the partly open curtains. The sky was a dull gray with thick rain clouds. I heard the road hammer pounding away just outside my house making the headache then there was the buzzing of my alarm clock. Turning I pressed the off button to quieten the damn thing. I felt like death warmed up. It was going to be one of those days I said to myself. Carefully getting up I shuffled down the stairs one at a time making sure I held the stair rail tightly. Getting a bowl out of the cupboard I filled it with some cereal and milk. The kettle whistled as it told me it was ready to make the one cup of tea that sat in front of me. Taking a chair I sat there looking at the clock to the left of the cupboard full of tin foods. It was ticking too loudly for my liking. Then I noticed that it was nearly eight thirty five. Leaving the unfinished breakfast to sit on the table I rushed to the small corridor that led to the front door. I bent down picking up the scuffed brief case full important documents that I need for that day.  Unlocking the door with the keys that I had picked up form beside the phone where I closed the door locking it then slipping the keys into the brief case as I did so. I walked down the short gravel path to the gate, which still groaned when opened. I would oil the gate hinges one day. Turning onto the path I headed for the nearest bus stop. I felt the chill of the day, which would help sober me up. From afar I could see there was a small queue at the bus stop. Mostly office workers, children going to school, mixed with ladies with prams of babies. I noticed the odd glances I got when I neared the stop, some tutted, which I ignored as this early some people were still grumpy. On reaching the shelter I had a quick look at the digital watch strapped to my left wrist. The damn bus was running late again, due to the rotten road works. I didn’t wont to be late again as I was already close to being demoted already. I looked up again to see the large red double-decker drawing up to a stop.  Its doors hissed open to let queue shuffle on. I kept my yes on the young lady in front of me making sure I didn’t tread on her high heels. Brushing her blonde hair back has she steeped up onto the bus she turned to give a short giggle on seeing me? I saw her pull the ticket stub out then made her way down the bus. I approached the driver slowly reaching down to into what should’ve been my black suit trousers pocket I found that had my stripped pyjamas on. I turned to try to leave but the doors where already shut. I turned back toward the driver when I felt a spinning sensation as I did so. It was like I had just drunk another pint of beer there and then.
“Here’s your ticket to Punderland,” The diver spoke with a slight Jamaican accent.
“Sorry I wanted to go to Sunderland,” I said curtly.
“Look man, just take a seat. I’ve got to get a move on has we’re late as it is,” He replied in that sing-song type of voice
I turned to see if I could get off, but it was to late the boat was in motion the floor was now decking the road was water. The boat was sailing towards a costal town which was getting closer quickly. From where I stood the boat was heading for a green leafy arbour. The driver slowly edged into the narrow arbour next to a wooden pier that stood out slightly. Soon the boat was moored. Glancing around I noticed there was statues placed neatly between moss covered stone benches. A gang plank was slowly lowered by the now captain of the boat.
“There you go man. Enjoy your stay,” He was still the driver I had seen on the bus.
 Walking slowly down the wooden plank not knowing I felt nervous of what could happen in this strange town called Punderland. Walking out of the arbour I made my way into the large town.
“Where’re you heading mister,” I heard a gruff voice ask excitedly.
 Looking around to see who had spoken all I saw was the sandy brown Labrador dog. He sat there patiently wagging his tail. I glanced around to see if the dog was with someone else, but there was only me and this dog so who had spoke I wondered. There were people but some distance off heading away from me. This left the dog sat in front of me. The next thing I did make me feel slightly silly, but I had to do it.
“Err. Excuse me but you didn’t just speak to me did you,” I asked the dog.
“Yes I did. What else did you expect your guide dog to do?”  It was so odd to see it lips form human words.
 This was turning into a very strange day.
“What is it you do then?” Still feeling silly at asking.
“I’m here to guide you around Punderland. That is why I’m your guide dog,” The dog sat there scratching his ear as he spoke.
“Where do we go from here?” I asked still feeling a little light headed.
 “Depends on what you want to do first?” He stood up to pant dribbles of dog spit dropping onto the pavement.
“I need drink this might make me feel better,” I patted his head hoping this was the right thing to do.
“Follow me to the best coffee house in Punderland,” He set off at a slow walk his tail wagging as he did so.
               I followed him to what looked like to be the most expensive coffee shop in the town. Outside tables covered by large umbrella keeping the warm sun off the customers. The guide dog led me to an empty chair at one of these.
“Sit here mister,” It said pointing to the chair with its nose.
“You sure this is the best place to get a cup of coffee?” I asked sitting down felling out of place still dressed in my Pjs.
“Its one of the finest,” The dog sat down to lick its backside.
Glancing around I noticed that the other customers where drinking some odd looking drinks. Turning I noticed the waiter next to me who was a few inches shorter than me even in the two inch heels.
“What does sir require?” He asked in a posh deep voice.
“Please can you bring me a cup of tea?” I looked to the guide dog to see if it agreed.
He just nodded.
                     The waiter turned heading back into the coffee shop. Across the road from where I sat I noted a tall slim man covered in a copper outfit with a tall copper hat on his head. He stood there his arms cross behind his back watching me. Half hour passed before the waiter returned placing a mug onto the table top. I noticed the there was a letter T inside.
“Excuse me, but all this mug holds is a letter T,” I said point to the cup.
“Sir that is what you asked for. A cup of T,” He replied curtly.
Looking at the table to see if there was anything else out of place I soon noticed the salt seller. Picking up the tall glass pot to see the soft white salt inside but as I did so I felt a sharp pain in my shin, which made the pot fly up then down onto the hard ground. Looking down to see what had hit me I saw a square black thing, which I swear to this day, looked just like a car battery. The next thing I knew the tall copper man was stood next to my table reaching out to me.
“I am putting you under arrest sir,” He spoke with a rich like metallic voice.
“What for?” I asked wondering if I was dreaming or not.
“For assault n battery,” He replied earnestly.
“What!” I said incredulously. “Where’re you going to take me?” I asked as he lifted me to my feet.
“To the station sir,” He said tugging at the cuffs.
                          We headed down the path the guide dog was still with me I thought. Has we walked I noted that we were heading for a large brown aged bricked building. Looking up I saw the words police station were emblazoned in blue words for all to see.  Pushing me through the two oaken doors I noticed that the reception desk was behind thick glass. Behind that stood two more copper men. Both built like brick shit houses.
“What’ve we here then P.C Copperhead?” The older of the two asked in the same rich tones.
“I arrested this man for assault n battery sir,” He snapped off a crisp salute.
“Corporal Punishment,” This old copper man turned to the shorter one next to him.
“Yes Inspector Problem” The younger man sounded lighter in tone.
“It looks like we’ve a nasty little man here who committed assault n battery what do you think we should do?” Corporal Punishment asked.
“How about the cat-n-nine tails sir,” Inspector Problem replied slapping the older man on the right shoulder.
“Oh that sounds just right for what he has done,” Corporal Punishment smiled broadly.
Watching closely as Corporal Punishment walked out of the reception area out into the back rooms I wondered what was in store for me. Returning minuets later with what I was sure looked like a medium sized tabby cat, but the most unusual was the nine tails that the cat had.
“What sort of punishment is this?” I asked looking to the guide dog.
“Oh you wait till they get the cat going,” It paused. “Then you will find out,”
“Get it going!” I asked shocked feeling I didn’t want to know the answer but was going to find out for myself though.
 Corporal Punishment tugged one of the cat’s tails very gently. With amazement I saw the cat start to talk.
“Listen to my tail of paws with claws. It was a thyme of Cats n dogs where water n cogs fell from the sky,” its voice purred with sweetness as it spoke.
Placing my hands on my ears with each pun I felt that it would never end but has it finished one tale Corporal Punishment pulled the next tail. After he had done all nine tails my head rang with pain. I looked up to see Inspector Problem standing next to me now.
“Consider your self lucky. You got off lightly. Now don’t get into any more trouble or you’ll find the next time we will be harder on you,” Inspector Problem spoke taking the cuffs off.
                  Turning on my heels I left the station smartly the guide dog close to hand.
“Quick I need the nearest inn,” I said feeling as if my head was going to explode.
“I take it you mean a pub,” The dog looked around to make sure all was clear.
“Yes I do,” I replied feeling my mouth was dry as rough sandpaper.
“I had to make sure as we’ve inns n outs here too,” The dog spoke panting to keep cool.
I groaned as my head spun with the pain.
“When we go into this pub you’ve to watch out for the pea’s n cues,” The dog started to lead me on.
I let the dog lead me into a smaller brick building down the street from the station. Looking at the sign I saw that it read ‘What’s yours’. Trust the pubs in Punderland to have strange names. Entering the pub I saw that the barroom was full of  peapods. Glancing over to the games room  I saw lots of cues playing pool. Each cue tipped it self up to the table to hit the balls across the table.  I carefully made my way around the peapods to reach the bar, which was made out of iron.
“What can I get you sir?” The strangest man I had seen yet spoke.
My mouth fell open at the figure behind the iron bar. He was a tall square piece of grass with cricket pitch markings on his face. After getting my senses back I spoke to the figure.
“What is there to drink landlord?” I asked not knowing what this place served.
“Spring water, Iron brew, Screw driver, Steel bitter and brass Larger,” He replied in a earthy tone.
“I think I’ll try the Larger please,” I replied hoping it was normal drink here.
Watching the landlord has he picked up the tall clear thin glass then placing this under the taps. A thin golden liquid bubbled out into the glass tuning it frosty I felt relieved to see this. Placing the glass in front of me I looked at the liquid to see if there was anything strange about it but couldn’t see anything wrong. Picking up the glass to take a sip to my surprise it was good to drink.
                Glancing over to my left seeing a peapod pick a pint glass up. I felt strange watching it happen.
“I love these places. I’ve a tender part inside of me for this land,” The peapod raised the glass at me.
I looked down to the guide dog, which was sat to the right of me. “What was that about?”
“Oh don’t worry that’s just a mushy pea,” He replied licking the floor.
I felt a sudden surge in my blood pressure. “That’s the last straw,”
“No that’s just down the street on the right,” The guide dog replied standing up to point at the door.
At that I walked out down the street heading for the arbour.
“Wait you haven’t seen the c yet,” The dog barked loudly.
                This was more than I could take. Placing my hands over my ears and closing my eyes in the hope it would all go away. Then I felt giddy again the world started to spin quickly. Then I heard a buzzing noise. Slowly opening my eyes to see I was in bed. The sound I heard was that of my alarm radio going. I was back in my own room. How did that happen?, what was going on?, was I dreaming? Glancing around those were my posters, wardrobe, rainbow curtains. It was mine. Standing up shakily i stumbled over to the window. I pulled the curtains open. Looking outside my mouth drooped open as I saw a beach out front in stead of the grey tarmac. On the beach there was C’s rolling up onto peapods that were sunbathing.
PUNDERLAND
BY
RICHARD COTTON
                       Hearing the high pitch buzz of my alarm clock I felt the top of my head where it thumped as though someone was hitting me with a large hammer. I soon regretted having that beer over the weekend.  Sitting up on my left elbow I glanced out through the partly open curtains. The sky was a dull gray with thick rain clouds. I heard the road hammer pounding away just outside my house making the headache then there was the buzzing of my alarm clock. Turning I pressed the off button to quieten the damn thing. I felt like death warmed up. It was going to be one of those days I said to myself. Carefully getting up I shuffled down the stairs one at a time making sure I held the stair rail tightly. Getting a bowl out of the cupboard I filled it with some cereal and milk. The kettle whistled as it told me it was ready to make the one cup of tea that sat in front of me. Taking a chair I sat there looking at the clock to the left of the cupboard full of tin foods. It was ticking too loudly for my liking. Then I noticed that it was nearly eight thirty five. Leaving the unfinished breakfast to sit on the table I rushed to the small corridor that led to the front door. I bent down picking up the scuffed brief case full important documents that I need for that day.  Unlocking the door with the keys that I had picked up form beside the phone where I closed the door locking it then slipping the keys into the brief case as I did so. I walked down the short gravel path to the gate, which still groaned when opened. I would oil the gate hinges one day. Turning onto the path I headed for the nearest bus stop. I felt the chill of the day, which would help sober me up. From afar I could see there was a small queue at the bus stop. Mostly office workers, children going to school, mixed with ladies with prams of babies. I noticed the odd glances I got when I neared the stop, some tutted, which I ignored as this early some people were still grumpy. On reaching the shelter I had a quick look at the digital watch strapped to my left wrist. The damn bus was running late again, due to the rotten road works. I didn’t wont to be late again as I was already close to being demoted already. I looked up again to see the large red double-decker drawing up to a stop.  Its doors hissed open to let queue shuffle on. I kept my yes on the young lady in front of me making sure I didn’t tread on her high heels. Brushing her blonde hair back has she steeped up onto the bus she turned to give a short giggle on seeing me? I saw her pull the ticket stub out then made her way down the bus. I approached the driver slowly reaching down to into what should’ve been my black suit trousers pocket I found that had my stripped pyjamas on. I turned to try to leave but the doors where already shut. I turned back toward the driver when I felt a spinning sensation as I did so. It was like I had just drunk another pint of beer there and then.
“Here’s your ticket to Punderland,” The diver spoke with a slight Jamaican accent.
“Sorry I wanted to go to Sunderland,” I said curtly.
“Look man, just take a seat. I’ve got to get a move on has we’re late as it is,” He replied in that sing-song type of voice
I turned to see if I could get off, but it was to late the boat was in motion the floor was now decking the road was water. The boat was sailing towards a costal town which was getting closer quickly. From where I stood the boat was heading for a green leafy arbour. The driver slowly edged into the narrow arbour next to a wooden pier that stood out slightly. Soon the boat was moored. Glancing around I noticed there was statues placed neatly between moss covered stone benches. A gang plank was slowly lowered by the now captain of the boat.
“There you go man. Enjoy your stay,” He was still the driver I had seen on the bus.
 Walking slowly down the wooden plank not knowing I felt nervous of what could happen in this strange town called Punderland. Walking out of the arbour I made my way into the large town.
“Where’re you heading mister,” I heard a gruff voice ask excitedly.
 Looking around to see who had spoken all I saw was the sandy brown Labrador dog. He sat there patiently wagging his tail. I glanced around to see if the dog was with someone else, but there was only me and this dog so who had spoke I wondered. There were people but some distance off heading away from me. This left the dog sat in front of me. The next thing I did make me feel slightly silly, but I had to do it.
“Err. Excuse me but you didn’t just speak to me did you,” I asked the dog.
“Yes I did. What else did you expect your guide dog to do?”  It was so odd to see it lips form human words.
 This was turning into a very strange day.
“What is it you do then?” Still feeling silly at asking.
“I’m here to guide you around Punderland. That is why I’m your guide dog,” The dog sat there scratching his ear as he spoke.
“Where do we go from here?” I asked still feeling a little light headed.
 “Depends on what you want to do first?” He stood up to pant dribbles of dog spit dropping onto the pavement.
“I need drink this might make me feel better,” I patted his head hoping this was the right thing to do.
“Follow me to the best coffee house in Punderland,” He set off at a slow walk his tail wagging as he did so.
               I followed him to what looked like to be the most expensive coffee shop in the town. Outside tables covered by large umbrella keeping the warm sun off the customers. The guide dog led me to an empty chair at one of these.
“Sit here mister,” It said pointing to the chair with its nose.
“You sure this is the best place to get a cup of coffee?” I asked sitting down felling out of place still dressed in my Pjs.
“Its one of the finest,” The dog sat down to lick its backside.
Glancing around I noticed that the other customers where drinking some odd looking drinks. Turning I noticed the waiter next to me who was a few inches shorter than me even in the two inch heels.
“What does sir require?” He asked in a posh deep voice.
“Please can you bring me a cup of tea?” I looked to the guide dog to see if it agreed.
He just nodded.
                     The waiter turned heading back into the coffee shop. Across the road from where I sat I noted a tall slim man covered in a copper outfit with a tall copper hat on his head. He stood there his arms cross behind his back watching me. Half hour passed before the waiter returned placing a mug onto the table top. I noticed the there was a letter T inside.
“Excuse me, but all this mug holds is a letter T,” I said point to the cup.
“Sir that is what you asked for. A cup of T,” He replied curtly.
Looking at the table to see if there was anything else out of place I soon noticed the salt seller. Picking up the tall glass pot to see the soft white salt inside but as I did so I felt a sharp pain in my shin, which made the pot fly up then down onto the hard ground. Looking down to see what had hit me I saw a square black thing, which I swear to this day, looked just like a car battery. The next thing I knew the tall copper man was stood next to my table reaching out to me.
“I am putting you under arrest sir,” He spoke with a rich like metallic voice.
“What for?” I asked wondering if I was dreaming or not.
“For assault n battery,” He replied earnestly.
“What!” I said incredulously. “Where’re you going to take me?” I asked as he lifted me to my feet.
“To the station sir,” He said tugging at the cuffs.
                          We headed down the path the guide dog was still with me I thought. Has we walked I noted that we were heading for a large brown aged bricked building. Looking up I saw the words police station were emblazoned in blue words for all to see.  Pushing me through the two oaken doors I noticed that the reception desk was behind thick glass. Behind that stood two more copper men. Both built like brick shit houses.
“What’ve we here then P.C Copperhead?” The older of the two asked in the same rich tones.
“I arrested this man for assault n battery sir,” He snapped off a crisp salute.
“Corporal Punishment,” This old copper man turned to the shorter one next to him.
“Yes Inspector Problem” The younger man sounded lighter in tone.
“It looks like we’ve a nasty little man here who committed assault n battery what do you think we should do?” Corporal Punishment asked.
“How about the cat-n-nine tails sir,” Inspector Problem replied slapping the older man on the right shoulder.
“Oh that sounds just right for what he has done,” Corporal Punishment smiled broadly.
Watching closely as Corporal Punishment walked out of the reception area out into the back rooms I wondered what was in store for me. Returning minuets later with what I was sure looked like a medium sized tabby cat, but the most unusual was the nine tails that the cat had.
“What sort of punishment is this?” I asked looking to the guide dog.
“Oh you wait till they get the cat going,” It paused. “Then you will find out,”
“Get it going!” I asked shocked feeling I didn’t want to know the answer but was going to find out for myself though.
 Corporal Punishment tugged one of the cat’s tails very gently. With amazement I saw the cat start to talk.
“Listen to my tail of paws with claws. It was a thyme of Cats n dogs where water n cogs fell from the sky,” its voice purred with sweetness as it spoke.
Placing my hands on my ears with each pun I felt that it would never end but has it finished one tale Corporal Punishment pulled the next tail. After he had done all nine tails my head rang with pain. I looked up to see Inspector Problem standing next to me now.
“Consider your self lucky. You got off lightly. Now don’t get into any more trouble or you’ll find the next time we will be harder on you,” Inspector Problem spoke taking the cuffs off.
                  Turning on my heels I left the station smartly the guide dog close to hand.
“Quick I need the nearest inn,” I said feeling as if my head was going to explode.
“I take it you mean a pub,” The dog looked around to make sure all was clear.
“Yes I do,” I replied feeling my mouth was dry as rough sandpaper.
“I had to make sure as we’ve inns n outs here too,” The dog spoke panting to keep cool.
I groaned as my head spun with the pain.
“When we go into this pub you’ve to watch out for the pea’s n cues,” The dog started to lead me on.
I let the dog lead me into a smaller brick building down the street from the station. Looking at the sign I saw that it read ‘What’s yours’. Trust the pubs in Punderland to have strange names. Entering the pub I saw that the barroom was full of  peapods. Glancing over to the games room  I saw lots of cues playing pool. Each cue tipped it self up to the table to hit the balls across the table.  I carefully made my way around the peapods to reach the bar, which was made out of iron.
“What can I get you sir?” The strangest man I had seen yet spoke.
My mouth fell open at the figure behind the iron bar. He was a tall square piece of grass with cricket pitch markings on his face. After getting my senses back I spoke to the figure.
“What is there to drink landlord?” I asked not knowing what this place served.
“Spring water, Iron brew, Screw driver, Steel bitter and brass Larger,” He replied in a earthy tone.
“I think I’ll try the Larger please,” I replied hoping it was normal drink here.
Watching the landlord has he picked up the tall clear thin glass then placing this under the taps. A thin golden liquid bubbled out into the glass tuning it frosty I felt relieved to see this. Placing the glass in front of me I looked at the liquid to see if there was anything strange about it but couldn’t see anything wrong. Picking up the glass to take a sip to my surprise it was good to drink.
                Glancing over to my left seeing a peapod pick a pint glass up. I felt strange watching it happen.
“I love these places. I’ve a tender part inside of me for this land,” The peapod raised the glass at me.
I looked down to the guide dog, which was sat to the right of me. “What was that about?”
“Oh don’t worry that’s just a mushy pea,” He replied licking the floor.
I felt a sudden surge in my blood pressure. “That’s the last straw,”
“No that’s just down the street on the right,” The guide dog replied standing up to point at the door.
At that I walked out down the street heading for the arbour.
“Wait you haven’t seen the c yet,” The dog barked loudly.
                This was more than I could take. Placing my hands over my ears and closing my eyes in the hope it would all go away. Then I felt giddy again the world started to spin quickly. Then I heard a buzzing noise. Slowly opening my eyes to see I was in bed. The sound I heard was that of my alarm radio going. I was back in my own room. How did that happen?, what was going on?, was I dreaming? Glancing around those were my posters, wardrobe, rainbow curtains. It was mine. Standing up shakily i stumbled over to the window. I pulled the curtains open. Looking outside my mouth drooped open as I saw a beach out front in stead of the grey tarmac. On the beach there was C’s rolling up onto peapods that were sunbathing.